Office Christmas Party Bad Choices
Office Christmas Party Bad Choices – How to Make Bad Choices at the Work function/party. The following article should be viewed tongue in cheek; however I have investigated so many complaints of misconduct and sexual harassment following work functions that I am beginning to wonder if this is out there in a how to for dummies book?
The work function, conference or Christmas parties are great opportunities to unwind and at times celebrate with a bunch of people you like, are indifferent to or dislike intensely. With the Christmas party season approaching here’s some advice to make sure that you make an impression, however it may not necessarily be the one that you wanted to be remembered by or that will help your career!!
One thing that these special events often do is provide you with the maximum opportunity to get noticed and make bad choices.
Bad choices can affect your career, love life, physical well-being and sense of self-worth. There are very few times in life that gives you all this at once.
Office Christmas Party Bad Choices – Here’s how to make the most out of best bad choice opportunities this year.
Alcohol
Alcohol is to bad choices what steroids are to some professional sports: arguably essential.
With enough alcohol in your system, your IQ improves, your communication skills are enhanced to the level of superhero and you can you have the uncanny ability to make better bad choices and plenty of them.
So, start drinking early and mix your drinks. Spirits, Beer, Wine, Why not? You will impress everyone especially your bosses by suggesting shots the moment you arrive. Remember and this is important when drinking excessive amounts of alcohol to be loud, very loud.
It’s also good to provide a constant update to everyone on how much you’ve had to drink. Once again this especially impresses bosses.
You should also call anyone not drinking ‘soft’, even Sarah from reception who is eight months pregnant.
Romance
The office event is a prime opportunity for the ‘hook up’. Two things will assist you immensely when ‘hooking up’; proximity and intoxication. In the history of time, only 6% of relationships have begun sober.
Hooking up with someone from your work is always a good idea, doing it drunk and in front of the entire organisation is even better.
Good options here include: a Board member, several people from the Diversity Team, your boss’ boss, your boss’ spouse and most importantly, anyone who works in a desk next to yours.
All these options are great bad choices. Do not do this subtly. Start throwing yourself at the person early on, no matter who is around.
If you become confused about your sexuality, just go with it, after all no one will remember in the morning.
When you do finally hook up, the dance floor is a good place. If you can get everyone else to leave the dance floor because you’ve made them uncomfortable, you get extra points.
Discussing Work
Once you’ve got enough alcohol in your system to preserve a dead rhino, it’s time to have some long discussions with senior management, here are some suggested topics
- What they are doing wrong
- How you would run things
- Who they should get rid of
- What you think about them
- What you think about your boss
- What you think about your co-workers
- Get their opinion of the ‘hot’ new girl in HR
The less you know about a topic, the more valid your views are. Don’t worry about facts and speak loudly. There’s nothing management enjoys more than a drunken critique of how badly they are running things.
And don’t worry if they don’t say anything, it’s your forum they are happy to just listen
Interrupt Speeches
Speeches at a work function are usually boring. What everyone really wants is for someone to make frequent interruptions and provide a general running commentary. Interrupting the CEO’s speech is a great way to get noticed.
Always make the obvious joke and laugh at your jokes first and for the longest.
As people are individually thanked during the speech, yell out things like ‘who do you have to sleep with to get a thank you’.
Get physical
Getting physical with the opposite or the same sex is another bad choice you can make.
Discussing your opinions
Letting everyone know about your opinions on;
- Politics
- Religion
- Current affairs
- or anything that is or is potentially controversial
is another great way to ensure that you are remembered
Passing out, sleeping on the floor
This will always tend to make people remember you.
Leave Memorably
Your exit is key.
Being escorted from the premises just shows that people care about you.
Being escorted from the premises after being sick will leave a lasting impression
Losing an item of clothing is a good idea and attempting to take some alcohol with you is a even better. Grab several bottles of spirits from behind the bar.
Follow the above tips and you’re well on your way to be remembered at your work for a very long time.
And remember, have fun.
If you want to learn about correct workplace behaviour out this page –
